Pairing: Rack/Ethan other pairings
Feedback: yes please
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. Joss Whedon does.
Warnings/Squicks: Really fluffy and silly. But odd. Rather out of character. Slash, but nothing graphic in this one. Also implied het.
Summary: Ethan decides to spread some Christmas Cheer.
Notes: This takes place before School Hard, but the timeline doesn't much matter since it's fluffier than a fluffer nutter. Wesley’s here early, because the Council is pissed off at Giles. Oh and I gave Rack and Ethan a small house. You may ask how Dawn is there, but it's everyone's memory of what happened. Or something. *runs away*
Beta(s): No, but I spell checked.
"I'm bored." Ethan said.
"Do something chaotic." Rack said without looking up from his book
After beating the good toaster to death with a baseball bat to stop its attacks, the American conceded that this was a poor suggestion. He sat heavily on the couch, and Ethan sat in his lap. The Chaos mage gave his lover an apologetic kiss.
"I'm still bored." He said.
"You could torment Rupert and the kids." Rack reminded him. "That's always good for a laugh."
"More like a trip to hospital."
"How could they fault you spreading a little Christmas cheer?" Rack teased.
"The grinch thing has been done, but oh! I could give them gifts." Ethan said brightly. "Evil chaotic gifts that they don't want and can't return. Damn!"
"It's December." Ethan pouted. "Christmas in December isn't chaotic."
"You could make it work." Rack drawled.
"According to Modern Warlock I'm slightly less chaotic than orange marmalade!"
"You're chaotic. I never know what to expect." He kissed his lover, inhaling his candy apple scent with a grin. "You're a handful, but you're my handful."
"I love you."
Later that night they made love before bed. Ethan woke first, and eased himself out of his Rack's possessive grasp. He worked tirelessly for the rest of the day, eating when pressed, and had to be dragged to bed.
Over the next three weeks they designed charms, major spells, and surprises of all kinds. They called in favors owed by old friends, and siphoned magic from old enemies. On Christmas Eve they were ready.
* * * * *
“This was a great idea, Mom.” Buffy said, putting the finishing touches on the tree with Kendra. “Having the gang over will be mega fun.”
"Do you think Mr. Giles will come, Mrs. Summers?" Kendra asked. "He's a good librarian."
"I'm sure he will, Kendra. Please call me Joyce."
“I can’t wait to see Xander.” Dawn said through the marshmallows in her mouth.
“He’s dating Cordelia, and you’re like five.” Her sister teased.
There was a tentative knock at the door.
“Angel!” Buffy yelled, and dashed off nearly knocking Dawn over in the process. She yanked open the door to reveal the startled and present laden vampire. “Merry Christmas Eve!” She gave him a kiss.
“You too.” He grinned.
“Come on in.”
Angel entered the house.
“I brought gifts for everyone.” He said.
“Cool. You can put them under the tree.”
Cordelia arrived Xander-less, much to Dawn’s delight. Wesley arrived next. Everyone ignored his shifts around Angel from blushy stammery to “back fiend!” (Except for Buffy who didn’t notice). Xander came alone. He and his apparent ex girlfriend did not speak. Giles arrived with presents and silly hats, which he insisted they all wear. Oz and Willow arrived last, the small werewolf carrying a sack of gifts.
“It’s Santa Oz!” Dawn teased.
“You can put those by the tree, Daniel.” Joyce smiled. “Unless it’s laundry.”
“It’s presents!” Willow said. “But we won’t tell you what they are because telling would be telling and was that a circular definition? But I didn’t define anything, I just said, so I don’t think it was.”
“Too many mochas.” Oz explained. “Nice fireplace.”
“Thank you, I guess Buffy and Dawn thought a faux fireplace would be a nice touch.”
“It looks real.” Kendra said.
They stood around the fireplace. Ethan Rayne came down it, dressed like Santa Claus. He was quickly followed by Rack, who carried a large cloth bag.
Everyone but Buffy, Kendra, Angel and Joyce stepped back.
“Mom! These guys could be dangerous.” Buffy said.
“You and Kendra take Dawn upstairs and call the police.” Joyce ordered.
“I know a number of measures that would drag you into the abyss where you belong.” Wesley warned, waving a cross at them.
“They’re not vampires.” Giles sighed. “They’re human warlocks.” He began polishing his glasses. “Evil warlocks.”
“Neat.” Dawn said.
“He’s chaotic. I’m evil.” Rack said.
“We brought gifts.” Ethan said. “And cake!”
“I doubt that your sinister cake survived transit down the chimney.” The young Watcher said.
“Sinister cake?” Angel was incredulous.
“It’s plum cake.” The Chaos Lord said.
“Can I have some cake?” Dawn asked.
“No doubt it’s ensorcelled in some fashion.” Giles told her.
“I wanted cake!” She pouted.
“Of course you may have cake, dear girl.” Ethan said. “Normally I would serve the refreshments personally, but seeing as the Slayers and this vampire seem to think they have me trapped, I’ll use magic.”
A flick of the wrist, and Dawn had a large slice of cake on a china plate, and a silver fork. She dug in.
“I’ll give you to the count of five to get out of my Slayer’s house-” Giles began.
“Your what’s house?” Joyce said. “Why is everyone still here?”
“I’ll explain later, Mom.” Buffy rolled her eyes.
“After that I will be forced to erm use force.” Buffy’s Watcher continued.
“You’ll explain now.”
“Really this is not the time for domestic squabbles.” Giles said.
"Freeze." Ethan said, pointing at each Scooby in turn. "You may not move in a pesky manner. You may not speak unless you're receiving a gift, or have permission, which I'll grant as I see fit."
“Let’s start with Joyce and Kendra." Rack said. "We give you ladies the gift of happiness and long life, no strings attached since you’re always so polite.”
“Thanks I think.” Kendra said.
“Pretty cheap gift.” Joyce muttered. “Now that that’s over with, can you please leave my house before I call the police?”
“No.” Ethan said.
“Willow, you’re next.” Rack said, crooking one finger towards the redhead. Oz remained in front of her. The warlock frowned. “Come get your present, strawberry girl. I won’t hurt her, wolf boy. You can hear the truth in my voice.”
Willow shrugged, but went to collect her present.
“We give you control over your gift.” Ethan said. “Use it wisely.”
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” The girl asked.
“He is.” Oz said.
“You can go next.” Rack drawled. He removed four dog sneakers from his bag. “These will give you human intelligence while you’re the wolf.”
“How will I put them on?” Oz asked.
“They’re all stretchy.” Ethan said.
Oz took the dog shoes.
“Wesley! Come get your gift.” Ethan coaxed. “Either take it, and tell everyone what it says, or I start making trouble.”
“Seeing as I have little choice, I’ll take the present.” The young Watcher sniffed. He walked up to the Chaos Lord who solemnly handed him a piece of paper, which appeared to be a large coupon. He blushed furiously.
“What did you get?” Dawn asked.
“It’s a certificate for free snogging lessons. I assume it’s a joke.”
“No joke, simply take that to the listed establishment and you’ll receive as many lessons as required or desired, free of charge.”
“Let's do Angel’s present next.” Ethan suggested.
“Sure baby.” Rack grinned.
Rack fished out a small globe, and handed it to Ethan.
“I personally hate re-gifting.” The Chaos Lord said. “It’s so tacky. Therefore I’m undoing something vulgar that was done years ago.” He made a pass over the orb, and spoke briefly in Latin, then smashed it.
“What was your little spell supposed to do?” Buffy sneered.
“That.” Ethan replied.
Angel collapsed to his knees, yelling in agony as his soul was torn from his body. Angelus leapt to his feet, and backhanded the Slayer.
“You know I always thought you were pretty.” The soulless vampire informed Wesley, who yelped.
“Good timing, lover.” Rack said.
“Why thank you!”
“I’m so glad I bothered to show!” Angelus bounced. “You‘ll both always be welcome in my lair.” He grinned. “I’ve always enjoyed the mojo, and my future childe is an amateur warlock of course. I love Christmas!”
Wesley tried to back away, but the big vampire caught him, and pressed him up against the wall. The young Watcher attempted to protest. Angelus kissed him then drew back in horror.
"Damn, you really need those lessons!"
"Now see here!" Wesley said. "I-"
Angelus kissed him again.
“Let’s make this a family affair.” Ethan said. “A certain blonde vampire is lurking in the bushes. Let’s invite him in!”
“Ethan stop this.” Giles scolded.
He and the other man fought while Rack invited the vampire in.
“Ta loves.” Spike said. “I didn’t bring pressies I’m afraid. Hope that‘s okay.”
“More than.” Ethan promised.
“Guess you’re here for the boy.” Rack said.
“Boy what boy? I know you mean me because it‘s fucking always me, but that's so not cool!" Xander babbled. "I don‘t do the guys having sex thing. Ever! It‘s not my business what you do behind closed doors or in front of them! But uh I‘m going to shut up now and go over here.”
"Boy-" Rack began again, but Xander cut him off.
"No!" The boy yelled. "You're just gonna sway around in that creepy way of yours and tell me I smell like grape jelly or something and have your British boy toy curse me. Let's just consider it done, okay?"
"Do shut up, Xander." Giles said.
"He called me a boy toy." Ethan sounded delighted.
"I was just going to be helpful, and say that Spike’s obsession with you is completely wholesome.” Rack said.
“Is not!” The vamp yelled.
“For a vampire it is.” The Warlock pointed out.
"But now I'm going to give you back the hyena."
"He's kidding." Ethan smiled.
"Oh thank God." Xander said. "I knew I was mildly against Giles' repeated kickings of your ass for a reason."
"I meant he was always going to give back the hyena. You're so gullible."
"Please don't do this. I did bad things as the hyena."
"That's mostly because she was taking over." Rack explained. "This time around you'll merge. And besides, it's not like you have a choice."
Several whooping laughs from Xander later, the hyena spirit had been invoked, and merged with the boy's soul. He pounced Spike. They fought on the ground for some time. The vampire subdued him, and bit the base of his throat. Spike withdrew, and they kissed.
"For the Slayer who has everything, I grant you good taste in men." Ethan said. "As for Rupert, I have for you a trusting nature this Christmas Eve, and some chocolate tea biscuits." He handed them over. "Why not share?"
"I wish I had something for you!" Giles exclaimed. "Normally I would question a present from you, but we are old friends, and who would curse chocolate besides?"
"Can I have one?" Xander asked.
"You can't have chocolate." Spike said. "It'll make you sick or sommat."
Spike kissed him soundly.
"And we got a little something for Cordy at the flea market." Ethan said. "We ran out of dosh as well as magic I'm afraid, but the gift is heartfelt." He approached Cordelia and solemnly handed her a sampler pillow.
"Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy?" She was incredulous. "What does it do?"
"Nothing." Rack said truthfully.
"Will people like attack me if I don't sugar coat things for them?"
"Nope." Ethan grinned. "Well, it's been fun kids. Rupert, be sure to share your biscuits with Joyce. Merry Christmas and all that rot."
"No really. What does it do?" Cordy demanded.
"You'll all be able to move and talk freely eventually." Rack said. "I think."
He and Ethan returned home. They curled up on the couch exhausted.
"That was fun." Ethan said.
"Yeah." Rack agreed.
"Just one problem."
"Please don't tell me you're bored."
"I'm horny." Ethan said.